'Am'azing Information: 2008

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Cinema Climax

In Bollywood...

Shahrukh ,the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball...............
Bowler bowls it and Shahrukh glides it to 3rd man..............the ball goes to boundary line Shahrukh runs for 3 runs, fielder throws at non-striker it misses the stumps and goes for over-throw, ShahRukh runs again for 3 , this time fielder tactic fully throws at Keepers end, Keeper Misses it goes for a 4 runs. In the background Vande Mathram....
Shahruk WINS the match...................................

In Tollywood...

Cheeru ,the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball...............
Bowler bowls it and Cheeru hits with tremendous power..............the ball goes far far away and UMPIRES are forced to give 12 runs for that.
Cheeru WINS the match...................................

In Kollywood...

Rajni ,the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball...............
Bowler bowls it and Rajini hits with tremendous power..............the ball splits into "TWO"
1 half goes to SIX.....The other half goes to FOUR.............
Rajini WINS the match...................................

New........... US DOLLAR

After the collapse of the US dollar, the new dollar bill may look like this......

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Telephone bill - this is a classy

The phone bill was exceptionally high and

the man of the house called a family meeting...

On a Saturday morning...

after breakfast...

Dad:

People this is unacceptable.

You have to limit the use of the phone.

I do not use this phone; I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here,

I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too,

I never use the home phone.

I always use my company mobile.

Maid:

So - what is the problem?

We all use our work telephones!!!!!

GENIUS AT SCRABBLE

The most aMaZiNg scrabbled words.........!!!

DILIP VENGSARKAR

When you rearrange the letters:

SPARKLING DRIVE

PRINCESS DIANA

When you rearrange the letters:

END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY

When you rearrange the letters:

NICE SILKY WOMAN

DORMITORY

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROO M

ASTRONOMER

When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

DESPERATION

When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES

When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE

A DECIMAL POINT

When you rearrange the letters:

IM A DOT IN PLACE

.

.

.

.

.

.

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

.

.

.

.

.

MOTHER-IN-LAW

When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER

B+ Always

Father : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"

Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.ok"

Moral: Even If you have nothing,You can get Anything. But your Attitude should be POSITIVE.

So B+ Always

Stupid questions .. dumb answers

Stupid Questions and their Dumb Answers…

Most Stupid Questions People usually ask in 0bvious Situations

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends…
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-
Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here…

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…

Stupid Question:-

Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-

No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia…..why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…

Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-

Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:-
Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??
Answer:-

No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask….

Stupid Question:-
Is the guy you’re marrying good?
Answer:-

No,he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout…it’s just the money.

6. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…

Stupid Question:-
Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-

No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping….you dumb witted moron.

7. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair….

Stupid Question:-
Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-

No, its autumn and I’m shedding……

8. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…

Stupid Question:-
Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-

No it wont. It will just bleed.

9. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…

Stupid Question:-
Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-

Gosh, it’s a miracle ……..it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

If NASA needs money...

Softwarism

Chandrababuism
You have two cows in Vijayawada . You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad .

Jayalalithaism
You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa..."
and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhiism
You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew .

Gandhism
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

Indiraism
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

Softwarism: (Ultimate....)
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.
1 .. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 .. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 .. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 .. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them
(Framework)
5 .. Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client
the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 .. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem
with accessories. (Change framework)
8 .. Redo step 4
9 .. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from
bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow
rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk.
(The software got old and get ready for next release
repeat from step 1) !!!!

Life ke funde. thodi masti ...

"U love someone

U marry someone else.

The one u marry
becomes ur wife or husband

And the one u loved
becomes the password of ur mail id"

---------------

There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.

There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it.

---------------

Three dreams of a man:

To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...

---------------

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is the liver & wife
the kidney.

If the liver fails, the kidney fails. If the kidney fails, the liver
manages

plz plz plz read this....... Keeping Hopes

Ek Gadha:- Yaar mera malik mujhe bahut maarta hai.

Dusara Gadha:- To tu bhag kyu nahi jata.

Pehla Gadha:- Bhag to jata.. par yahan future bada bright hai ...
malik ki khoobsurat beti jab shararat karti hai to malik kahta hai,
"Teri shaadi gadhe se kar dunga...!"
Bas isi ummeed me baitha hoon........

Keeping Hopes may not improve your future, but it will certainly reduce the pain of Today !!!

Shayari of the day

Thursday, September 4, 2008

For Fun

Try these!!!!!!!!!!!

Secret-1:
An Indian discovered that nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere on the Computer which can be named as "CON". This is something pretty
Cool...and Unbelievable.... At Microsoft the whole Team, couldn't answer why this happened!
TRY IT NOW ,IT WILL NOT CREATE " CON " FOLDER

Secret-2:
For those of you using Windows, do the following:

1.) Open an empty notepad file
2.) Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3 .) Save it as whatever you want.
4.) Close it, and re-open it.

Secret-3:
Open Microsoft Word and type

=rand (200, 99)

And hit ENTER

Nice jokes ha ha ha ha ha

One day Laloo was traveling by his car. Suddenly a piglet came before the car. The driver couldn’t hit the brake at the right time and unfortunately the baby pig was killed in the accident.

At the sight Laloo was deeply moved and felt very upset He called the driver and said,"Jiska e suuar hai hum usko compensesan dena chahta hoon. Usko dhundke lao ".

At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and lots of money in his hands!!!

Laloo was surprised. He asked,"Hum tumko kaha tha ke uss aadmi ko laiye , par aap mala pahenke aaur rupiya leke aa gaye,baat kya hai?"

At this the driver replied “I told them about the incident. Hearing it they were rejoiced, put tilak and garlands on me, then danced for some time and gave this money."

Laloo then asked him "Aap unko eg-jectly kaa bole?"

The driver replied: "Main bola, mein Laloo Prasad Yadav ka driver hoon. Maine suaar ke bachhe ko mar dala hai.........."

Aam hai kya ?

Part 1

A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... 'Aam hai kya?'

The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bechte.'

Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him ...'Aam hai kya ?'

He gets a little irritated and says... 'Aare Bola na, Hum 'Aam nahi Bechte'

On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him 'Aam hai kya ?'

He gets wild and yells ...'Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to tumhare sar ke upar hathoda marunga '

The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..'hathoda hai kya?'

The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi'

The parrot then asks ... 'Aam hai kya ?'

Part-2

The next day parrot again goes to shopkeeper and asks "Aam hai kya??"

The shopkeeper is ready now....
He quickly pulls a hammer and hitz the parrot on the face.
The parrot looses all his teeth
But determined, parrot again goes 2 the shopkeeper next day n asks

Scroll Down
---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

"AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???"

Monday, August 4, 2008

A nice story Plz read full story

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to
see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm
leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the
cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still
trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call
when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!

IF YOUR BOSS COMES TO YOU AND SAYS....

IF YOUR BOSS COMES TO YOU AND SAYS......

There would be no salary increment

There would be no promotion

No expenses would be paid……..

How would you look at him?

To see scroll down………………….

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

M.B.A (vs) Engineering

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition
organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......

A MBA and a BE student go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend and says "Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The BE asks, "What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"

The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
"ENGINEERING = 100% COMMON SENSE"

Human Brain Analysis...Too Good

WOMEN - MULTIPLE PROCESS
Women's brains designed to concentrate multiple task at a time.
Women can Watch a TV and Talk over phone and cook the new recipe.

MEN - SINGLE PROCESS
Men's brain designed to concentrate only one work at a time. Men can not watch a TV and talking in phone same time. He stops the TV while Talking. He can either watch TV or talk over phone or cook.

LANGUAGE.
Women can easily learn many languages. Her brain set up. But can not find the solutions to problems Men can not easily learn languages; he can easily solve the problems.
3 year old gal has three times higher vocabulary than 3 year old boy.

ANALYTICAL SKILL
Men's brain has lot of space for handling the analytical process. So easily he can analyze and find the solution for a process.
He can design (blue print) a map of a building easily.
If a complex map is viewed by women, she can not understand it. She can not understand the details of the map easily.
For her it is dump of lines in a paper.

CAR DRIVING.
While driving a car, men's analytical spaces are used in his brain. He can drive a car fastly. If he see an object at long distance, immediately his brain classifies the object (bus or van or car) direction and speed of the object and driving accordingly. Where as women take a long time to recognize the object direction/ speed. His single process mind stops the audio in the car (if any), then concentrating only on the driving.
You can often watch, while men driving the car fastly, the women sit next to him will shout, "GO SLOW" , "CARE FULL", "AAHHH", "OHH GOD.."
..etc..

LIE
Many times, when men lie to women face to face, they got caught easily.
Her super natural brain observe the facial expression 70%, and the body language 20% and the words comes from mouth 10%. So he is easily caught while lieing.
Men's brain does not have this.
Women easily lie to men face to face.
So guys, While lieing to your girls, use phone, or letter or close all the lights or cover your/her face with blanket.
Don't lie face to face.

PROBLEM.
End of day, if men have lot of problems, his brain clearly classifies the problems and put into individual rooms of brain, the problems in individual room of brain and finding the solution one by one. You can see many guys looking on the sky's for a long times. If you disturb him, he gets irritated.
End of Day, if women have lot of problems, her brain can not classify the problems. she wants some one to hear that. After telling everything to a person she goes happily to bed. She does not worry abt the problem solved or not.

WANTS
Men want status, success, solutions, big process... etc Women want relationship, friends, family...etc...

UNHAPPY
If women unhappy with their relations, she can not concentrate on work.
If men unhappy with their work, he can not concentrate on the relations.

MAP
Men can easily locate the place in a complex map. His analytical brain does this. While watching a cricket match in a stadium with full of crowd, men can leave his seat to T shop and keeps everything in his mind and comes back to his seat with out problems. He uses his analytical skills space of brain.
Women can't do this. They often lost their way to their seat.

LIFE
Life is very easy to Men. One good job, one alcohol bottle is enough for him.
Women want everything in life.

SPEECH
Women use indirect languages in speech.
Geetha asked Vijay, "vijay do you like to have a cup of coffee?"
This means, Geetha really want a cup of coffee.
In the morning......."Darling, do you think, will it be good to have an Omlette for breakfast"
Men use direct language. "Geetha, I want to have a cup of coffee, Pls stop the car when you see a coffee shop".
In the morning...."Darling, Can you please prepare an omelet for breakfast".

HANDLING EMOTION
Women talk a lot without thinking, if they are in emotion.
Men act a lot with out thinking. That's why many of prisoners are men all over the world.

A HEART TOUCHING STORY

A boy and a girl were in love.

When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future.

The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them .

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home thru a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home.

The couple next day went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was
crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot.

The girl was devastated and lost her senses. It was only after sometime that she recovered from her shock.

The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood
stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream , he also ignored it. Then the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes with the blood stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained.
Next night she again had the same dream. She again washed the stains but some still remained. But again the next night she had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last
warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible would happen.

This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired.

In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked on the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl.

She asked "What is this...?" The old
lady replied...

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
:
;
;
;
;
;
;

"This is Nirma Washing Powder"
"Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma

Doodh si safedi nirma se aaye,

Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaye,

sabki pasand nirma

Washing powder nirma, Washing powder nirma. Nirma"

10 ka 1, do pe ek free

I know how you all are feeling now...

I have been through this too.

I'm also hunting for the idiot who first crated this story!!!

Laughing will increase ur life span

1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called
"Saints"
But now they are called.. "IT professionals"

2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:
"If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"

3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And
the other loves too many,

4) Employee:
Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!

BOSS:
Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!

5) Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as
GOD,

Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

6) What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!

7) Useful
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise
man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

8) Girl:
Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?

Shopkeeper:
Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"

Girl:
That's good, Give me 12 of them..!

9) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee..... Leave them to us

Friday, July 4, 2008

At a Chinese call center

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan .. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone ! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Oh .....God.......

Good Wan! (Good One! )

Smile Please....

Gr8 sardar jokes again

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".

***********************************************

Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

***********************************************

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?

***********************************************

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!

***********************************************

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...

***********************************************

Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....

***********************************************

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
...... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"

***********************************************

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

***********************************************

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

***********************************************

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......

***********************************************

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

***********************************************

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....

***********************************************

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......

Moods of a Software Engineer...

YOU decide today which bucket u r in??

Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl!!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl!!!"
Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent!

Three SARDARS

A policeman was interrogating 3 SARDARS who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first SIRDAR a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first SARDAR answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only hasone eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture
for 5 seconds at the second SARDAR and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second SIRDAR smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Ofcourse only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of
his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third
SARDAR and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how
would you recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't
know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an
interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file
in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the SARDAR replied. "He can't wear regular glasses
because he only has one eye and one ear."

bolo ta ra ra ra*...

How to Win Men and Women Heart...

How to win Men's Heart ??? RS 25 /-

.
.
.
.

How to win Women's Heart ??? RS 25000000000? /-

The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

*********

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

*********

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

*********

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

*********

Send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!

*********

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Drinking Problem...

Ha ha ha ha ha..awesome :) :)

How to identify city...

How to identify cities in India ???

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.

You are in Kolkata

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.

That's Mumbai

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace.The first two get together & beat him up.

That's Delhi

Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along And quietly opens a chai-stall

That's Ahmedabad.

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software Program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the
program.

That's Bangalore

Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along And quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.

That's Chennai.

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer. All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home being friends.

You are in Goa

Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their Friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You are DEFINITELY IN BHOPAL ………………….

Fariyaad...

Ek baar mere baap,
Please ek bar ... ek match jeeta de....

Lesson of the Day

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a girl
roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't
help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been
suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made
her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than
met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates." About a
week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came
to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose
she took it, do you?" Kumar said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email
her, jjust to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm
not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that
you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was
sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now
under the pillow...

Love,
Mom.

Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother

SOME DEFINATIONS...

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that
you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Interview

Interview

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of good.

Sardar : Bad.

Interviewer : Come

Sardar : Go.

Interviewer : Ugly.

Sardar : Pichlli.

Interviewer : U G L Y?

Sardar : PICHLLY !!!!!!!

Interviewer : Shut Up.

Sardar : Keep Talking.

Interviewer : Get Out.

Sardar : Come In.

Interviewer : Oh my God.

Sardar : Oh my Devil.

Interviewer : U r Rejected.

Sardar : I am Selected. BALLE BALLLE............

It's a Software Engineer's wedding Invitation

Try this...Really good

How smart is Your Right Foot?

Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon............ This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right Hand. Your foot will change direction!!!!!

Deadlock Explained ...

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangements.

Secretary makes call to her husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband makes call to his secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so let’s spend the week together.

Secret lover makes call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.

Small boy makes call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Let’s spend the week together.

Grandpa (the 1st boss ;) ) makes call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.

Secretary makes call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband makes call to his secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover makes call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy makes call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company

Grandpa (Boss) makes call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangements

This is called deadlock!!!

4 Friends at a Party...

Four friends

...who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest

room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said

..."My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.

He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said

..."Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said

..."Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"

The fourth man replied

..."My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends. !!!!!!!!

Read it ... its interesting

An Indian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands . He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Indian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.

Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her Rs.5,000 to sleep with him. As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for Rs.5,000. She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.

This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.

She asks him where he's from in India . - " Delhi ", he tells her.
So am I. What suburb?" she enquires. "Paschim Vihar" he replies.
"That's amazing..... ...." she says excitedly, "..........so am I - what Road?" " S.V.P. Road " he replies.
This is unbelievable. ........" she says, her voice quavering.
"Which Building?" "Chandra Mahal", he replies.
She is totally astonished. "You are NOT going to believe this...... ",
She screams, "but I'm from Surya MahaL......2 buildings down the lane! My parents still live there!"

" I know..." he says, "Your Dad gave me Rs.25,000 to give to you".

Friday, April 4, 2008

Awesome...

Once a smart software engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards Ooty in a train. Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting along with her grand ma. With in some time, Eye-Eye interactions started between Our software engineer & that girl. After some minutes, train started moving in to a tunnel and it was very dark.

Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping.
Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.

Grand ma thought that," The Guy is a rogue; how dare he is? He has kissed my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately slapped that guy."

PM thought that," I can't believe that this guy has kissed that girl! But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake"

That girl thought that," I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel sorry that my grand ma has slapped him".

Finally, do u know what our clever S/W engineer thought?

"This one minute in my life is wonderful, it hardly comes...because, at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM."

Programmer vs Project Manager

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.
He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon
further and shouts, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I
Would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, Hovering
approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42
degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.'

'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.

'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is Technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of your Information and the
fact is I am still lost.'

The man below says, "You must be a project manager."

'Yes, I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where You are
going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to Keep, and
you expect me to solve your problem.'

Apology Letter (funny)

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to
a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual
date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in
writing...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Apology letter -

Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon,
ass I am not a good englis speaker.

This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint
your school more fastly,but for the following region, too much time
lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.

I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk
rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.

I putted a complain on station masterji.

He said I to go to the lady clerk.

At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally
with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.

Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully
responsible for getting birth of my sun.

Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.

I hope u will look into explain my hole story after,and late me joint
first.

I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.

May God blast you!"

Yours awfully,
yadav

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

© Madasty Dot Com Madasty Blogs @ http://www.madasty.blogspot.com 2008

Back to TOP